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~ROSE-DUST

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About Me Member Varied Artist Natalia15/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 1 Year
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Devious Journal Entry

Tue Jul 14, 2009, 5:00 PM
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: ...
  • Reading: ...
  • Watching: ...
  • Playing: ...
  • Eating: ...
  • Drinking: ...
♥:heart: NATALIA'S JOURNAL :heart:♥

kljdrnhkjdnhkjlnlksrhnlsrhnlksrhnlknhlknhlknnrh
rlhkjnhlknehklnhlernhelrtnhklkhnlkdfhnlkdfnhlkn
rsdlhknsrjkhnskrjnhkjrnhgkjrnbkjsdrnglwrtnlfxgn
Sometimes when I don't know what to say, I just key bang on my keyboard to fill in the empty space.
...
Uhm, yesterday was pretty rough. Actually, that's an understatement.
Yesterday was absoultely horrible. I was fighting with my mom...again.
I blabbed about it to my understanding friend :iconsammyomfg: and Anthony.She was there in the midst of it happening, not physically though. We were fighting over the phone, or Anthony, whatever the hell it was... she just blew up. We both did things we regret, well at least I know I did. Right at this moment she's downstairs and I don't know what to do, or even how to say that I'm sorry. I've never been so sorry in my entire life, I hit her . You can say it was self defense, but I feel like this is going to eat me alive now. The fight escalated into a problem that I couldn't handle anymore. She got so angry that she wanted me to write down Anthony's address and phone number for who-know-gods what. When I couldn't come up with his address, she got us all in the car at 11:54pm while I was in just a t-shirt and shorts, to go to his house. I showed her the way, and I refused to get out the car, I was begging her to come back and just talk it out like normal people. Luckily no one answered the door. When she came back to the car, all throughtout the drive home she went from blaming me about my older brother leaving us to go live in Pennsylvania with my dad, to how I'm such a slut, and that she hated me. When we got home she said flat out that she wanted me to leave. (Me and my twin were undoubtedly a mistake...) When we both didn't leave, she threatebed to call the police and yadda yadda yadda...then she screamed at us in Spanish "Then I'll leave, forever" and she was gone. This all went down from 11pm to 4am. She eventually came back...and here I thought at that moment "I thought tonight was going to be a good night".
bahhh. So yeah, on a scale of 1 to 10, I think I'm a 35097320273 on the hurt scale :\ My leg is bruised, my eye is like bleeding?? My back hurts, my neck is sore, and I have two lumps on my head. I thought of suicide, I'm not going to lie. Overdosing on pills seemed like the less painful way to go... but my brother pretty much read my thoughts and made me pinky swear I wouldn't do it. I only agreed, saying I wouldn't do it, if he didn't do it either. *sigh* Then this morning I cried about it on the phone to Anthony. (which I think was honestly stupid of me) I have a feeling this is all too much for him, so I didn't expect him to listen. But to my pleasant shock he did, and he tried to make me laugh. I'm trying not to get too attatched though, he'll either break-up with me... or move away to Michigan for college. I don't want to get heart broken, I've realized that relationships our age are just fun and games until someone gets hurt. And besides, boys are the least of my problems these days. *sigh* Then I forgot to call Sam *shot* the night before I promised her I would, but my head was a whirlwind of thoughts and dumb feelings, and I woke up late on top of that too :ohnoes: we talked and I felt much better talking to her... but not much, my problems are still there.. I'm a horrible person and don't see why anyone would try to be my friend or ANYTHING. I'm stuck in the muck of my low self esteem, and family problems, and it's driving me crazy. I'm always insanely jealous of other families, but I can't help but feel ashamed of my own. My mother has her mind set thinking I'm going to end up pregnant or something stupid, when I WON'T. I don't know what else to say... ugh.
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sejktybwerkjtybwerjktybrjekybjrekybrejr

-nat♥

24 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

deviantID

Laugh as much as you breathe, and love as much as you live! Learn as if you would live forever, and live as if you would die tomorrow. Always tell the truth and nothing but it! Be sweet as sugar, and live in the glimmer of hope and love...and don't EVER regret something that had once made you SMILE (:

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: up yours and around the corner! through a tube, and up your boob!
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: the size of an elephant and rhino put together in purple spandex pants.
  • Print preference: preferably printerably.
  • Interests: anything interesting♥
  • Favourite movie: the illusionist, and click♥
  • Favourite band or musician: my chemical romace & the killers
  • Favourite genre of music: upbeat & fast, or slow and lovable. anything that can relate to my mood♥
  • Favourite artist: me♥
  • Favourite poet or writer: dragonheart69, and pieeater12345
  • Favourite photographer: me♥
  • Favourite style of art: I do sketchy & detailed.
  • Operating System: mechanical pencils, and other stuff.
  • MP3 player of choice: my ipod/blackberry phone♥
  • Shell of choice: the shell that blocks me from YOU :D
  • Wallpaper of choice: anything worth looking at.
  • Skin of choice: racist question :\
  • Favourite game: stuffffff.
  • Favourite gaming platform: idk...?
  • Favourite cartoon character: sonic the hedgehog :3
  • Personal Quote: laugh as much as you breathe, and love as much as you live♥
  • Tools of the Trade: floppalopagus!

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Comments


~skipperofotters05:iconskipperofotters05: Jul 1, 2009, 5:57:32 PM
Thank you for taking the time to look at and favourite my work :3

--
My Saviour loves, my Saviour lives
My Saviour's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yeah, I believe. What about you?
~ROSE-DUST:iconROSE-DUST: Jul 2, 2009, 7:52:24 AM
absolutely no problem there sweetheart, anytime ♥

--
Laugh as much as you breathe & love as much as you live!
"Dev FAQ # 3345: "How can I earn PageViews easily?"
*LobaNegra94:iconLobaNegra94: Jun 30, 2009, 6:16:02 PM
Hey Natalia. :wave: how have ya been? :iconfurryhuggleplz:

--
Focus on your dreams and goals and work hard to become them.
:boogie::hug::glomp::highfive::ahoy::highfive::glomp::hug::boogie:
~ROSE-DUST:iconROSE-DUST: Jul 2, 2009, 7:52:46 AM
I've been good! Not bad at all >D lol, how about you? :hug:

--
Laugh as much as you breathe & love as much as you live!
"Dev FAQ # 3345: "How can I earn PageViews easily?"
*LobaNegra94:iconLobaNegra94: Jul 2, 2009, 2:25:45 PM
good!!:iconcookieglompplz:

& I'm preety good. :3 a bit hper though! :iconexcitedplz: :XD:

--
Focus on your dreams and goals and work hard to become them.
:boogie::hug::glomp::highfive::ahoy::highfive::glomp::hug::boogie:
~ROSE-DUST:iconROSE-DUST: Jul 2, 2009, 5:44:33 PM
HYPER ISH GEWD.
:iconexcitedplz: :iconredbullglompplz: :iconlolwhutplz: :iconimhappyplz: :iconnouplz: :iconsonicwhutplz:

--
Laugh as much as you breathe & love as much as you live!
"Dev FAQ # 3345: "How can I earn PageViews easily?"
*LobaNegra94:iconLobaNegra94: Jul 2, 2009, 7:05:39 PM
INDEED GOOD!!!:iconanimefaceplz:

:iconhyperglompplz: :iconexcitedplz: :iconmuahplz: :iconohlawdplz: :iconimhighplz: :rofl: :iconlarryseeswhatyoudid:

--
Focus on your dreams and goals and work hard to become them.
:boogie::hug::glomp::highfive::ahoy::highfive::glomp::hug::boogie:
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